Just be. Just be. Just be.
I repeat this mantra to myself, fully aware that this is what I must do.
I imagine if I repeat this enough times, I can be in control of my state of mind and just be. As if I have the power and advantage to command myself to just be. So why can I not obey?
The feeling of being incomplete. The unsettling. All theses emotions, and then some, have added up over the years and are weighing on me, I can literally feel these as if gravity is in full effect and these emotions are no longer invisible forces, but true physical forces at war with the peace, serenity, and bliss I so desperately crave.
I cannot go another day as these burdens are compounding, and suffocating me from the inside out. I’m not okay with not being okay. I cannot be. My body, mind and soul are not whole and well. They are not as vibrant, healthy and secure as I know they can be. You could quickly analyze me and think everything was fine. Because I pretend.
The one thing that I’ve gotten really good at is pretending that I am okay. And I think because I do this from sun up to sun down, I find it impossible to pretend in any other dimension of my life. Like all my pretending reserves are used up by just showing up and displaying for all to see that I’m okay!
I’m done pretending. I want to really be okay. I want to be better than okay. I want to be all that I know I have been called to be.
When will it stop? Can we just stop pretending? Can we all pause for a brief moment and accept what is, and get to the bottom of these painful emotions to mend the pain and suffering? The anxiety and fear? The hurt and loss? This act we put on for each other, day after day, the exhausting pretense that everything is just fine..
I believe the ticket to becoming your true authentic self, to becoming whole, to becoming who we are meant to be is to finally stop pretending, beginning at the mirror. Are you brave enough to just be real with yourself? A scary thought, I know. Is it possible to fall in love with all of our own imperfections, to accept what is, and to extend ourselves the grace and permission to just be?
I want to show up okay. I want to show up well. I want to step into the version of myself that I can sense is waiting for me; I feel it with every fiber of my being. But first I must untangle from the past and the pressures that keeping me small and meek.
Out of pure desperation, it is time to save myself because no one else can rescue me from what’s happening on the inside. It is time I pour my heart and soul into one thing, and that is mending myself well.
Will you join me as I pick up the pieces and make sense of everything around me and within me, and as I pave the way for you to find the freedom and courage to do the same, to discover yourself? Your TRUE AUTHENTIC SELF!
I will share my journey with you, and I invite you to follow my lead.